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Letter to my younger self

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Dear Jay-anne,  You are now 38. You've come a long way but why do you still miss your old and young self? That one reel you just watched a few seconds ago about writing a letter to your young self triggered you to write her on this blog while tears streaming down.  How are you? I am happy you enjoyed grade school to college days. When you reach the 35s, it's not so happy here anymore. You constantly question your decisions in life. I don't know but the ones on the reels, it supposed to be positive yet I ended up more what ifs now.  What if back in 2013-2014, you gave your your first ex's comeback a chance and eventually agreed to fly with him and live in Canada after college? What could have been your life right now? I know at that time, you no longer love him as a boyfriend and only sees him as a friend since you had the cop as your 3rd and current lover at that time whom you never ended up right now anyway. Remember that the first ex mailed you at your 1st job's o...
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Are manifestations true?

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  Hi! It has been 5 months since I quit the job.  It never felt liberating yet frustrating at the same time. I never thought I'd be feeling depressed now that I thought that I have been longing for this ever since anyway. You know what I mean? I prayed to take a break from working so long since 2009. Imagine,  straight 16 years. You cannot blame me for wishing to be at least relaxed and find time for myself.  I don't know if this is part of having existential or midlife crisis 'coz I can still remember wishing to retire at 40 but I'm supposed to have 2 years more since I am still 38. Too early, right?  Looking back, seems like prayer and manifesting are true.  Back in college, I don't miss praying everyday as I arrive at the university. I drop at our campus chapel and pray to at least experience graduating with flying colors. Guess what, i became a dean's lister at 1st quarter of my senior year.  3 months after graduation, i prayed to get a job so I ca...
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HAPPY NEW YEAR 2025!

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 January 2, 2025 Thursday9:14 PM Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Diary! Yes, that's an exclamation point! Just wanna greet you a joyful new year of 2025! I am so glad to have thrived and survived a tremendous and humbling year - 2024.  Just wanna share that 2024 has been so unfortunate of me. Just so you know, it has been my tradition to always check the fortunes and luck based on zodiac and I never realized  not until everything already happened and broke me.  I know I haven't really jot down everything here on the blog on what happened but because of how unfavorable life has been for me, I came back on this site so I can pen everything. If you look back,  have never really wrote about the good stuff I received in the previous years except whenever I am feeling down. So basically, all my happy memories are just stored on my Instagram and Youtube page. And I just thought about it now, maybe I was evil-eyed.  2017 started all the bad things happened. I guess I alread...
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Break-Down

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 Hi Blog! It's a Monday morning. 10:32AM.  I just paused my song playlist right now and feeling emotional. Whenever I play Billie Eilish's What Was I Made For  song, it just makes me cry. Probably because it struck me the most. Maybe I am just going thru something and can never really make me figure out where to start and be happy again. Or just maybe my hormones 'coz I have my monthly visit now on it's 3rd day.  You know the feeling when it's supposed to be a happy get-together yet you chose to be violent and unpredictable and you just hate why you have to react that way at an age of 38. F*ck.  Yesterday, I'm supposed to be on a vacation but my emotions caught me. Instead of making fight with everybody, I chose to walk out on my shorts and shirt, picked up my bag and left the place without telling everybody. My anger had me bawling while waiting for the bus in the highway. I kept wiping my tears so nobody can notice me. Good thing the bus isn't full so I sa...
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Mid-Life Crisis

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 Dear World,  follow me on insta I just woke up right now, 6: 46 in a Sunday morning. Leaning in my swivel chair, typing on this keyboard getting inspired to jot down stuff after series of watching random reels on Facebook.  How are you by the way? I was searching back this  blog although honestly I am no longer used to say "blog" anymore since at these times, "vlog - video blog" has been the norm ever since.  I noticed that it has been what (2024 less 2016) eight long years I haven't posted anything on this page. And a lot of things happened in that era. As usual, I want to write the highlights of those years here but I'm afraid I will lose my drive to write if I would go into details now. Maybe I will just mention it along the way if there are moments that would be a good comparison. What's most important, I would go back to writing especially if I like it just to document things I would go over with day by day.  It must be a good thing for you to know...
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Location: 3654 San Jose, Cagayan de Oro, Misamis Oriental, Philippines
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FRUSTRATIONS

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Hello! I know it has been awhile not posting anything here! I have been battling a good fight for the past years up until now. You always know that this blog has been my consolation and not minding people to read this though since am not aiming for followers anyway. Well, lemme go back to the reason why I am here again. And that's for sure due to depression, sadness and frustrations. These drives and motivates me to write something which i don't have the guts to tell people surrounding me. And i don't want them to be bothered of my problems and anxieties either. I know each one of us face different things apart from what i am experiencing now. But the photo above reminds me to be calm during this storm. My life has always been topsy-turvy. And no matter what, i always keep myself grounded how to make this life straighten up. I am starting to lose myself! At times, i am even thinking of ending this life. Butttt,  i don't even know really. 'Til here th...
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Summer 2016

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Every people I know craves for summer despite the escalating hot degrees outside, thank God for air-conditioned rooms though. I do have a lot of things to be grateful for this year. It has been a yo-yo year. I've got lots of responsibilities from home up to work aspect; i'm full. But somehow, i still managed the first quarter and slaying all of it with my six pair stilettos.  I could definitely remember JANUARY, after that New Year celebration, i was able to do almost all of the groceries during the holidays. By FEB, though i haven't had any romantic dates at all, i spent partying with my friends instead. It was fun. I attended a friend's wedding and went suburbs almost every weekend.  Of course March came and still can't get enough with summer as it starts. My colleagues and i hit the white sand beaches, cold and hot springs, and sunken cemetery  visits at Camiguin Island right before the holy week. Long weekend was dedicated to an exclusive quality ti...
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