Are manifestations true?

 

Hi!

It has been 5 months since I quit the job. 

It never felt liberating yet frustrating at the same time. I never thought I'd be feeling depressed now that I thought that I have been longing for this ever since anyway. You know what I mean? I prayed to take a break from working so long since 2009. Imagine,  straight 16 years. You cannot blame me for wishing to be at least relaxed and find time for myself. 

I don't know if this is part of having existential or midlife crisis 'coz I can still remember wishing to retire at 40 but I'm supposed to have 2 years more since I am still 38. Too early, right? 

Looking back, seems like prayer and manifesting are true. 

Back in college, I don't miss praying everyday as I arrive at the university. I drop at our campus chapel and pray to at least experience graduating with flying colors. Guess what, i became a dean's lister at 1st quarter of my senior year. 

3 months after graduation, i prayed to get a job so I can start my career early which eventually happened. Not only that, it was a job where I can enjoy travelling locally at an early age and I stayed for more than 4 years.

A year of prep from graduation, i prayed to pass a civil service exam which indeed happened again right after my 24th birthday. 

I can still remember at our university yearbook, I captioned my grad photo that I will be in a government service after 5 years. It exactly happened and I worked at Overseas Workers Welfare Administration for 5 long years.

Eventually, I prayed for financial stability. I could still remember that I was only in a contractual position in that government job despite of my eligibility. I may have forgotten my prayers to be stable at work hence I jumped to  corporate and worked for 6 years. The pay was higher than that of my previous job though. 

I worked for 6 years and have my own house anyway and even thrived during pandemic. And I just realized now that I have been wishing to relax, stay lowkey and want to retire early. And even though I am feeling a bit frustrated right now after 5 months, I might need to change my mindset that God have me realized that I should be specific with my prayers and manifestations. 

He was there all along with all my prayers and it's a testimony worth sharing. It may still be unclear for me since I never specifically mentioned that I should have enough money when I retire. Honestly, my body was in a fight or flight condition. I have been telling people back at work that I want to resign coz I am so  freaking tired. I was even planning to look for a new remote job before I quit but I missed some opportunities just because of the kind of job I had. 

I got anxiety of not having cashflow anymore since I am not used to not having money. All the more I don't have any boyfriend to support me. I am just thankful for my mom who accepted my decision and is currently paying for the bills in behalf. Glad she lives in my house so she pays for the electricity and the internet for now. It's a shame but I don't wanna use my savings 'til I get a new source of income.

I didn't realize how hard it is to look for a new job I want. Maybe because of my age. Well, I just want a simple job that doesn't require me to be smart. I just want to have a higher paying one that will help me realize my business venture for my retirement. 

I am too far from my old me but not to near to be contented. In the society I live, they may think too that I have been left far behind as a normal person ---- still single, childless, unemployed and unclear with future plans. Terrible.