Mid-Life Crisis

 Dear World, 

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I just woke up right now, 6: 46 in a Sunday morning. Leaning in my swivel chair, typing on this keyboard getting inspired to jot down stuff after series of watching random reels on Facebook. 

How are you by the way? I was searching back this  blog although honestly I am no longer used to say "blog" anymore since at these times, "vlog - video blog" has been the norm ever since. 

I noticed that it has been what (2024 less 2016) eight long years I haven't posted anything on this page. And a lot of things happened in that era. As usual, I want to write the highlights of those years here but I'm afraid I will lose my drive to write if I would go into details now. Maybe I will just mention it along the way if there are moments that would be a good comparison. What's most important, I would go back to writing especially if I like it just to document things I would go over with day by day. 

It must be a good thing for you to know by the way that I have a YouTube page started just for life updates and memories. You know, sometimes I get tired of writing so saving the videos are a lot better since you just have to press record and that's it. And of course, just how I intended to have this blog page, it's for personal consumption and not really for everybody to see. Come what may. 

I just found myself wanting to write to pour my sentiments for the past few days. 

Let me start with letting you know that I resigned from my six year corporate job last September. I felt demotivated to work any longer. I don't find the joy and fulfillment from that job anymore. I mean, yes money should be the inspiration but even if I love the people I handled with, I have been feeling so lethargic most of the time. I always go to work late, wanting to go home early even if the shift just started. Something like that. To the point that I am not scared of management wanting to kick me out. I feel like I'd rather have them kick me out so I can be forced to scram. You feel me?

In this era, whenever I scroll on Instagram reels, I see signs of similar situations which brought me to a life-long decision of resigning from the job and choose my mental health yet compromising my cash flow. Sigh. 

I have been thinking that I might have been experiencing mid-life crisis. I didn't know I could experience one. You would never know if it hits you though. I am 38, single, now unemployed, a bit mentally unstable. Well, just so you know, I have savings in the bank but it doesn't suffice 'til I grow old. I don't even know if how long we'll stay on this earth anyway. 

But let me just also mention, those eight long years of not posting anything here, I jumped from a government position, remember? From July of 2018 into the corporate. And also, I broke up with that boy friend I had for 6 yrs in Dec 2017. So, I basically started off 2018 single, saved enough income for the savings I have now in the bank and stood up my single detached house in a city proper. 

I have thought about it for over a year and I feel like risking it all for the sake of my mental health. I have initially thought of working remotely since I have experienced working at home during pandemic anyway and it obviously opened my mind of getting a job just like this. 

I am 38 but still don't know where to go. I don't wanna lose the retirement plans that we can avail in the government all because I now skipped paying the monthly dues. Sigh. I think I have to go research by now. Ciao. 💗💗 💖