Fairytale Coming True

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Letter to my younger self

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Dear Jay-anne,  You are now 38. You've come a long way but why do you still miss your old and young self? That one reel you just watched a few seconds ago about writing a letter to your young self triggered you to write her on this blog while tears streaming down.  How are you? I am happy you enjoyed grade school to college days. When you reach the 35s, it's not so happy here anymore. You constantly question your decisions in life. I don't know but the ones on the reels, it supposed to be positive yet I ended up more what ifs now.  What if back in 2013-2014, you gave your your first ex's comeback a chance and eventually agreed to fly with him and live in Canada after college? What could have been your life right now? I know at that time, you no longer love him as a boyfriend and only sees him as a friend since you had the cop as your 3rd and current lover at that time whom you never ended up right now anyway. Remember that the first ex mailed you at your 1st job's o...
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 Hi Blog! It's a Monday morning. 10:32AM.  I just paused my song playlist right now and feeling emotional. Whenever I play Billie Eilish's What Was I Made For  song, it just makes me cry. Probably because it struck me the most. Maybe I am just going thru something and can never really make me figure out where to start and be happy again. Or just maybe my hormones 'coz I have my monthly visit now on it's 3rd day.  You know the feeling when it's supposed to be a happy get-together yet you chose to be violent and unpredictable and you just hate why you have to react that way at an age of 38. F*ck.  Yesterday, I'm supposed to be on a vacation but my emotions caught me. Instead of making fight with everybody, I chose to walk out on my shorts and shirt, picked up my bag and left the place without telling everybody. My anger had me bawling while waiting for the bus in the highway. I kept wiping my tears so nobody can notice me. Good thing the bus isn't full so I sa...
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